This article is an update from the original article written in September of 2016. Not surprisingly, very little has changed. In fact, things have probably gotten worse.
Our continually growing love affair with personal electronics was completely expected – and shows no sign of abating. It started out as an innovation, became a novelty, then entertainment, and then turned into a passion. But now it has become an addiction.
And like any addiction, there are negative side effects.
The over-use and over-reliance on electronics as entertainment toys, and child care distractions, is resulting in children who are less and less prepared for the normal developmental and personal interactions that are required to raise resilient young people.
Learning Tools
In an ideal situation, electronics – computers, PDAs, tablets, cell phones – can all contribute to positive child rearing and continuous learning at all ages. This occurs when these electronics are regarded – and used – as “tools”. Particularly as “tools for learning”.
Examples of tools for learning are eReaders, reading programs, jump start programs, introductory learning programs, and research. Even among adults, every “how to” question is most often answered with “…Google it” or “…Youtube it”.
In these cases, electronics as a tool makes sense and should be encouraged, utilized, and tolerated.
Sadly, too often today, that is not how electronics are commonly used.
Toys, Entertainment, and Escape
Too often, electronics are the default go-to to entertain or distract children who are being seen as “bored”, “demanding”, or “fussy”. In reality, all children are naturally inquisitive and want to learn. Unfortunately, their desire to learn can be side tracked if they are deflected into mindless entertainment, game playing, and app-addiction.
More importantly, children do not learn interpersonal skills when they do not converse. When they do not see. When they do not interact with human beings. In other words, when their faces and attention are solely focused on “the screen”.
They learn how to be temporarily entertained and they learn how to disconnect from the things around them that they do not immediately find interesting – or worse, that they have to “work at”. Such as active listening, conversation, and positive behavior.
So, what exactly does THAT mean?
If, when children travel from place to place, visit relatives, attend events, or generally interact outside of their own home; there are always numerous opportunities to “see new things”, “see different things”, and occasionally “see amazing things”. The opportunity to learn and grow.
The problem is, you see none of this if you are primarily focused on looking down at your “screen”.
Human interaction has always been the way that children have learned to behave in public, learn things through conversation, and – particularly in the formative years – learn things by listening in on “adult conversation”. Eventually, the overwhelming curiosity of being a “teen” would result in teens joining adult conversation – primarily in the role of asking questions or sharing their formative opinions.
This does NOT happen when children are offered an immediate “out” either before human interaction starts (exclusion by adults), or when they are provided the opportunity to “go play your video games” at the first sign of boredom, confusion, or lack of understanding. Now this presupposes that the adult(s) are interested in providing learning, guidance, and development to the youth present. That presupposition might be bit of a reach in today’s perceived society of lazy parenting.
Whether or not you choose to significantly reduce your child’s use of electronics, you might want to consider establishing a steadfast rule that when in the presence of another human being, put away the electronics.
The problem is NOT the electronics!
It is important to understand that electronics are not useless, cursed, or evil. The problem is NOT with the electronics.
All of our problems – whether real or perceived – that are touched on above are typically the result of human misuse and abuse.
Too many parents are “too stressed” – or too lazy – to spend time with their children, guide them, and teach them. Then, rather than make the required extra effort, they turn to electronic baby sitters. TV, computers, tablets, and cell phones. What these parents are not considering is the long term impact on the development of their child, their intellectual development, and the development – and application – of good manners and acceptable social behavior.
Sadly, it is often “human nature” to take a good thing and make it bad. Hopefully, we will learn by our mistakes; however, it remains a matter of choice. And, making the “right choice” is not always as appealing as making the “easy choice”.
What age?
It would be impossible to have a discussion about electronics and youth without addressing the issue of age.
So, whether you agree or disagree that electronics should be limited in the hands of children, the currently pervasive question of “…at what age” comes into play.
When trying to get an answer to this question it is extremely interesting to do a little research. There can be a lot of benefits to exposing a child to computers, tablets, learning games, and research with electronics. If used for these purposes, and manged properly, then begin exposure at the earliest possible age.
A child’s capacity to learn – from as early as 2 years old – is immense. Just make sure that you are teaching them the right things.
What about cell phones? Search “…at what age should a child get a cell phone?” I was amazed that 5 of the top 7 results appeared to come from relatively credible sources, yet NOT ONE SINGLE RESOURCE actually recommended age introduction or age restrictions. All reference to age was related to reported ownership by the age group.
Subsequently, deciding what the acceptable age is will be difficult to do. Most sources suggest that the level of the child’s “maturity” should be the determining factor. Nice concept; however, children at all ages are not necessarily “mature”, as much as they are “developing”. Regardless of whether some develop more quickly than others, that development is related to “learning” rather than maturing.
So, I will make the decision a little easier for you. Children under the age of 10 should NOT have a personal cell phone. Additionally, children between 10 and 12 should NOT have a cell phone unless your family situation dictates that they are, at times, semi-independent (alone after school, latch key kids, alone for any extended period of time without adult supervision). After 12, cellphones can be introduced; however, they should be heavily and diligently managed. When you stop managing them will be your next difficult decision.
While I suggest that this may make your decision easier, I fully recognize that your child will firmly believe that they are the victim of severe child abuse because they cannot have a phone. I also recognize that most adults will disagree – primarily because they don’t have the courage to say “no”, and because “…the neighbor’s kids have cell phones and so should mine”.
It will ultimately be your choice. And, if you make the choice to provide your child with electronics of all kinds – including a cell phone – then make the choice to administer and manage their use responsibly. AND, in the best “developmental” interests of the child.
There can be exceptions
Make no mistake that this is NOT a campaign to buck progress. Electronics of all types can be used as productivity tools and learning tools. They can also be used as accommodations is cases where there are developmental or health challenges.
As an example, the graphic used for this article was actually borrowed from an article on the Key Ministries web site, written by Dr. Steven Grcevich, titled Five Reasons Limiting Electronics is Harder for Kids with Mental Health Conditions. The introduction of the article supports the case for limiting, reducing, and managing electronics for kids. However; also in this article, there can be a case made for using electronics as a “tool” to help children who are having difficulties beyond normal development.
In short, electronics are not all bad. In fact, they may not be bad at all. It might have a lot to do with how we use them.
And, when we use them to replace learning, discipline, and good manners – then it’s time to take the electronics away from your kids!
Stephen G. Largy is the President and Senior Consultant at tqSkills. tqSkills is a training and advisory specialist for Mental Health in the Workplace, Leadership, Disabilities in the Workplace, And Customer Service. Visit tqSkills at www.tqskills.com